The Mommy Guilt

Do you ever get it?

the mommy guilt?

When you have missed a certain moment in time

away from your children.

You feel terrible that you are away

for such a momentous time.

Even if it's small.

Tonight.

I have the mommy guilt.

Today was a HORRIBLE day!

Probably the worst we have had in months.

The girls were at each other constantly

and I felt like I was yelling at them 10 times more than 

I was actually talking to them.

It was a BRUTAL day.

It didn't stop.

I tried to do a fun craft with them.

Side track them.

Instead, 

it turned into a screaming match that ended with

both girls on time out and mommy about to lose my mind.

They went down for early naps

because if not,

I think I may have gone insane.

Thankfully they actually slept and I got at least an hour

of peace and quiet.

Ellie woke first.

She came down in such a good mood.

I thought maybe the nap did them good!!!

Then Pea woke up.

The minute Pea put her foot onto the bottom step of the stairs,

all hell broke lose.

AGAIN.

They were at each other.

I had no idea what to do.

So I did what any normal mother would do at this time.

I broke down.

I bawled.

not just a few tears.

I BAWLED!

Pea came up and snuggled me saying

"mommy sad"

and hugging me and rubbing my face.

Ellie snuggled beside me as tight as she could get.

and for a few moments,

there was peace.

Did it take to a mental breakdown

for my children to understand?

Maybe.

I sat there for almost a half hour.

Trying to get myself together.

By the time Luke came home,

I was drained.

I AM drained.

emotionally, physically, mentally.

It's Halloween.

The girls are absolutely adorable in their little outfits.

Pea is a wonder bread girl 

and Ellie is a cheetah.

We were supposed to go out tonight

but instead,

Luke is out with the girls

and I am here at home.

mommy guilt is setting in.

I am missing a night of fun

but at the same time,

I have no energy to be there.

I have no energy to socialize.

To open my mouth and say a word.

I am afraid somebody may ask me how my day was

and I will breakdown in tears.

These moments.

the mommy guilt.

We all have them.

Tonight

is mine.

but I need this.

a moment to breathe.

So this was my day, and I am praying that when we wake tomorrow morning,

it will be a new day.

A day to start fresh.

Happy Halloween Everyone!!!

(I don't have a picture of them in their costumes tonight so her are the two clowns)

 

 

Clicking Away

We had a little photo shoot today.

The girls were already dressed up so cute

so I got out my camera

and snapped some pictures.

I bought Pea's dress second hand,

I think it's been around for a LONG time.

I found Ellie's pants second hand as well

and fell in love!

Even though I don't have a boy,

I bought them instantly and started thinking 

of how I can incorporate them on my little Ellie.

I made her little shirt

and a hat is in the making

but until then...

So this was our 

"today"

Two sisters

who love each other so much

and fight like cats and dogs.

 

 

 

 

 

Hope you had a great day!

A Slap In The Face

I am reading a book called

"Raising Godly Tomatoes"

by : L. Elizabeth Krueger

I really got challenged as I was reading.

Being a stay at home mom is a very challenging job

and sometimes I forget how important

of a job it really is.

It is probably one of the most important jobs

a person could ever have.

In this book there are two paragraphs that really caught me.

I have written part of it on my blog before but the whole thing just grabbed me.

"Most of us can relate to feeling frustrated and angry with our children from time to time. Parental anger and frustration are usually the result of one of two things: ignorance of effective parenting strategies or wrong parental priorities. A parent who does not know how to handle an out-of-control child will certainly become frustrated, and this frustration will often turn to anger. On the other hand, if you know exactly what to do when your child begins to misbehave, and you are willing to do it, you will simply handle the matter and move on. Stress will be eliminated and replaced with a feeling of satisfaction with a parenting job well done.

Sometimes parents know what to do, but are simply unwilling to do it. They expect their children to behave perfectly with little or no effort on their part. Or they expect their children to just stay out of the way while they proceed with their lives as if their children didn't exist. They let their ambitions, housework, or hobbies become a higher priority than parenting, and they begin to view their children as annoying interruptions. This attitude guarantees failure, frustration, and anger. Only by reordering priorities and recognizing that parenting is a highly demanding, full time job will there be any hope for decent results and the absence of frustration. Give up everything else if necessary, and undertake the world's most important and fulfilling job to the best of your ability. Expect it to be a demanding job at times, but look forward to the challenge instead of resenting it. Parenting will be far less frustrating if you learn how to do it well, and if it is not competing with everything else for you time and attention"

 These two paragraphs practically brought me to tears.

I am so frustrated sometimes.

As I sat back and read this,

I realized....this is me.

I am not putting parenting as my #1.

I may think I am,

but when I do a reality check,

I push my girls aside way too often for other priorities that I have put before them.

And then I get angry because they have interrupted me.

This book is really showing me how important it is to

be there for my girls 100%.

Not only when it's convenient.

If I need to stop doing something to help them,

so be it.

If I have to can my ideas of getting all my dishes done

because my girls won't stop bickering and I need to 

be beside them the whole day to teach them

what's right and wrong,

so be it.

My dishes can wait.

They are my #1 priority.

I need to keep reminding myself that.

They need me to teach them.

They are not going to learn on their own.

They need me to love them.

To discipline them.

To encourage them.

Not to ignore them.

I may sound nutty.

I may sound insane.

but I think she is really onto something with this book.

We grow up with these worldly views that we just accept as normal.

 I am ready to over step those views.

Parent as God intended parenting.

Not as the world says is satisfactory.

I am not willing to just let me children grow up being taught by society.

I want to have them be taught by God through me.