Documenting

I wanted to document the girls.

I know,

most of you are probably saying

"oh my gosh, does she not have enough pictures of her girls?"

but the thing is,

these pictures are a way of me remembering.

Remembering all those little moments that I would most likely forget.

Remembering the little things

like the way Pea always puts a blanket over her baby

and Ellie like to put her babies on time out.

I can remember how much Pea cares for her babies

and how Ellie constantly feeds hers.

I can remember the thousands of kisses 

they give out each day

and how they love to brush their teeth and will do

so for over an hour if I let them.

I want to remember all the little things that make them who they are.

I love that I can watch them grow every day.

Learn new things

and change.

I love that I can notice each little stepping stone

because I share the journey with them.

I love that I can whip out my camera and follow them around for 

a morning just to remember where they spend their mornings.

I documented a morning of their sweet little lives.

It consisted of babies, babies & more babies.

With a little teeth brushing as well.

They are in love with babies right now.

Dressing, feeding, burping, swaddling, changing bums, rocking.

Anything that involves a baby,

they are there.

It is quite amazing to watch them with their little dolls.

To see how God put such a nurturing nature into our souls.

Even at the young ages of 1 & 2.

So here is our morning, in pictures....

Anger

I have been spending the last 2 days

trying to process what is going on in this world.

trying to make sense of it all.

but is there any sense to make of it?

I have been trying to understand.

to show love without anger.

but the truth is,

I am angry.

I am angry that a man can kill innocent children.

I am angry that this scenario is even possible.

that this world has gone so dark.

I know there is light in this world.

but sometimes it is hard to cut through the darkness 

to be able to see the light.

This whole thing broke my heart.

and as much as I don't want to admit,

it shot fear right into me.

fear for my own children.

that I can't even send them to school knowing that they will be safe.

I have decided to homeschool. 

At least for the first few years.

Not because of this reason.

I have known for a while now.

but because of this, it makes me want to do it so much more.

I know I cannot keep my children in a bubble.

I know I cannot keep them from harm.

but there is so much evil in this world

and it honestly scares me.

and if I can keep my children away from that evil for even

a fraction of time, I want to.

I want to do everything I can!

I cannot even imagine what the mothers of those children

in Connecticut feel at this moment.

I know I would not be as strong as some.

I know the Lord is with them,

and He is pouring His peace and love into them.

but I just can't imagine what they are going through.

It takes guts to live in this world and not hide from it.

It takes even more guts to bring children into this world.

Where do we go from here?

What happens next?

I can say all the things that Christians would say at this time like

God is our protector

and we should not live in fear

and love is the answer

but at the moment,

I am angry at our world.

and I am fearful of what's yet to come.

I know God did not do this.

I know God had no part in it.

It is just the opposite.

The world has rejected God.

Sin has crept in and taken over.

It frightens me,

what man is capable of.

I will hold my girls tight

and love them with everything I have in me!