Busy Is Always Our Answer

It's been a long while since I have last blogged.

To say I have been "busy" is an understatement,

and yet I am ashamed to even admit it.

My husband + I have been 

talking about this a LOT lately.

Our lives are moving faster + faster

and yet here we are, 

adding another human into the chaos.

We are constantly on the move.

There are always meetings, work, schedules, 

appointments, errands.

When do we press the pause?

When do we say "no"?

When do we shut ourselves away and just breathe 

for one slight moment?

That slight moment is not enough.

It teases you and then you get shuffled

back into the chaos.

You wonder where your time has gone

and what have I really done 

that is beneficial to myself,

my family,

my friends,

anyone?

There is a culture that has been created

that wants you to be involved in everything,

see everything,

do everything,

BE everything.

We feel that if we are not "busy"

our life is not worthwhile.

We are wasting it

or not using our time efficiently.

But I feel it is quite the opposite.

If I am constantly running around,

if I am constantly involved in everything

giving a little bit here and a little bit there,

when I don't stop and ask God what He wants me to do,

I find that is wasting my time even more.

I am in in half-heartedly.

I am doing it out of duty.

Out of expectations

put on myself

by myself or by others.

The Lord says in Mark 2:27

"And he said to them, 

The sabbath was made for man, and not man for the sabbath"

How many times do we look at the sabbath

as a day that we need to make.

The sabbath was made FOR US! 

It was made to bless us,

to encourage us,

to lift us up and breathe life into us.

So many times, 

we look at the Sabbath as something 

WE have to do.

I do not have the answers,

I do not have it all together.

My life is a ball of craziness that I am having a hard time slowing down.

It is rolling down a hill

and gaining speed by the second.

In writing this,

I am hoping I can challenge myself + others

to slow down.

This life we are running is going too fast.

I don't believe we were made for this.

Technology has introduced us to a whole new world

where you can easily invite 

people to everything,

you can see what you are missing

and where the coolest spot to be at is.

It is making this life

one step harder.

To be that perfect,

social butterfly that has it all together.

That is at all the coolest parties and is always 

so "busy".

Is it really, honestly cool to be that busy?

Have we made being busy something to achieve?

I'm sorry,

I don't want that.

I don't want that goal.

Instead,

I would like to take it slow.

Ask God more often

where I should be and what I should be involved in.

As most of you probably know,

I am an introvert.

That being said,

I do not thrive at being involved in everything.

Social gatherings actually stress me out.

More so than I would like to admit but I know this is who I am

and God made me this way for a reason.

As much as I would love to be that social butterfly

that is at every social gathering with a huge smile on my face,

that person that has a million friends

and chats with everyone,

I know I can't

and I am beginning to learn my limits.

Saying "no" in such a fast pace world

may seem weird.

It may not want to be accepted 

but I really think we need to start

accepting it more.

Accept that people are at their limits.

Instead of stretching them more,

we need to encourage them when they know they have hit their limit

and be ok with that.

I want to stop using the word 

"busy"

when people ask how I am doing.

I want to treasure these moments when my children are young

and know that I was not too busy

to stop and smell the flowers on our walk.

I encourage you to slow down as well.

Who Are You?

Identity.

Who are we?

More importantly,

who are we in Christ?

I have been digging around a bit

in my own life.

Trying to really understand who I am.

I have a sensitive soul.

I mean SENSITIVE soul.

I used to always see it as such a negative thing.

Always the first one to cry.

Always the first one to get hurt.

But after doing a lot of soul searching

I have come to realize that it is a gift.

It’s not a flaw or a fault.

When I feel,

I feel on overload.

There is no small emotion.

I am all in, no matter what the emotion.

I have started to notice a pattern in my cry.

The Holy Spirit leads it most times.

I may sound like an absolute freak by now

and daily, I have to check my doubt and loneliness

because most days I feel so alone in this.

When I worship,

when I REALLY worship,

I well up so quickly in my soul and it comes out in tears.

I cannot sing,

I usually can barely let out a whisper,

but the tears are flowing

and I know that the Holy Spirit has touched me.

When I pray,

when I REALLY pray,

it is always silent.

The tears start flowing and the words are being said in my head.

Some people may say that is not praying.

Some people may say that the Lord doesn’t really hear

but I know He hears.

It’s so hard to explain,

to show or make people understand.

I don’t know why God made me this way,

why I feel so much

but it has become something I am thankful for.

I know I am different.

I know some people will never understand.

I know that God sees my heart.

He knows me better than I know myself

and I long to learn more as I search more.

If I sit in your presence

and am silent,

if I sit in your presence 

and I have a tear rolling down my face,

know that I am truly feeling what you are saying

and I am taking it all in.

Know that my heart is longing to speak the words

but my mouth just heaves instead.

Know that God is speaking 

and the Holy Spirit is working.

God has made us each special.

We are all different

and God uses each of us in different ways.

I am really learning this lately.

Romans 12:3-8

"For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: 

Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, 

but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, 

in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you.

 For just as each of us has one body with many members, 

and these members do not all have the same function,

so in Christ we, 

though many, 

form one body, 

and each member belongs to all the others.

We have different gifts, 

according to the grace given to each of us. 

If your gift is prophesying, then prophesy in accordance with your faith;

if it is serving, then serve; 

if it is teaching, then teach;

if it is to encourage, then give encouragement; 

if it is giving, then give generously;

if it is to lead, do it diligently; 

if it is to show mercy, do it cheerfully.”

We are all the body of Christ

and each one of us is so different than the next.

When we truly find out who we really are in Christ,

there is so much freedom.

So much doubt gets tossed away

and confidence rises up

because we were created by the High King!

We were created to love ourselves and in that,

we can love others to the fullest!

Don't Say It...

There are things in motherhood that you just don't talk about.

Some things that stay hidden deep inside.

That seem impossible to bring up

because mom's just don't experience it.

Or they like to pretend they don't.

We put on a happy face,

put some nice clothes on

and pretend that those feelings deep down

are not there.

Yes.

I am talking about PPD.

 { aka Postpartum Depression }

 The last 8 months have been a struggle.

I refused to admit that this was something I could even struggle with.

I refused to acknowledge it.

Each day it would creep out.

Each day feeling stronger and stronger.

I was angry at everything.

At everyone.

All I wanted to do was crawl in bed

and not see anyone.

I would flip out over the smallest thing.

When I would go out with friends,

I would put my "happy face" on

pretending I was perfectly normal.

But deep down,

I knew I wasn't.

I knew there was something wrong.

It took everything for me to enjoy myself

and even still,

I just couldn't.

I couldn't be truly happy

and I couldn't figure out why.

I have 3 beautiful children!

My youngest has been a good sleeper for the most part

so I am not lacking in sleep.

I have two pretty amazing toddlers!

They have their moments but overall, 

they really are good kids!

and my husband,

well I could not ask for a better man to spend my days with,

to raise my children together

and to just love!

So why was I feeling this awful sadness.
Why could I not just be happy?

Luke told me to take a vacation,

to go visit my best friend in Colorado

so I jumped on the opportunity!

I mean, 

how many husbands would let their wife go away for an entire week

and leave all 3 kids

( a 3 year old, 2 year old & 5 month old)

at home with their husband for the entire week.

I had a wonderful trip!

I thought this was just what I needed!

but when I came back,

I felt no different.

In fact,

I actually felt worse.

The first 4 days back were completely awful

and I was in tears every day.

Finally Luke looked at me

after we had one of the biggest fights we have had in years

and told me that maybe I should go see my doctor

about PPD.

I burst out in tears.

What is wrong with me?

Finally after a good evening of crying,

I decided I would make an appt.

My doctor is so sweet,

she is a naturalist and she really cares about her patients.

When she suggested that I go on medication for a little bit,

I was so hesitant.

But I knew that if she was recommending it,

I must be needing it.

For the next 2 weeks, I had a really hard time accepting

that I needed medication 

for what was going on inside.

I felt guilty for not being able to cope on my own.

I felt disappointed that I could not raise my children 

and ashamed that I needed help.

It was a very humbling experience.

It took me a bit to tell anyone,

but I knew I could not do this on my own.

I told a few close friends 

and asked them for prayer.

I could not believe the support I got from them.

Unconditional love!

There was no need for me to fight this on my own.

God has been working in me these last few months 

and I can say that through all of this,

it has helped shape me.

I quit Facebook for the most part,

other than the occasional profile change

I stopped reading through status updates

and scrolling through endless photographs.

I stopped reading all these mommy blogs that are so contradictory

to one another.

If one person supports something,

you know the next mommy blog is going to tear it apart and tell you whats wrong.

Being a mom in this day and age is tough.

Everything is out there on a screen for everyone to see.

To compare to.

To love and to hate.

So even just cutting these main things that I spent so much of my time on

has really showed me what is truly important in life.

And right now

my children are my number one focus.

I want to be that present mom

that gets in the dirt with them

rather than sitting back on my lawn chair scrolling through my phone.

So after sharing what i am going through right now,

I just want to encourage you mom's!

Being a stay at home mom has been the toughest job I have EVER done

and I do admit,

there are days when I wish I could just escape to work

outside of the home

just so I could get a decent adult conversation in.

But I do know this,

it is the toughest BUT the most important job

I have ever had!

And if you are struggling like I was,

if you are dealing with PPD,

don't keep it in.

Don't hide it.

Let someone know.

Let someone pray for you

and encourage you.

and if you need the help of medication,

don't feel ashamed.

It is there to help you!

A fellow photographer that I admire said this and it really stuck with me :

"If we are not sharing it, if we are just keeping it private,
why are we experiencing it?"

                                                                                                                                                                                  Joy Prouty   

 It is such a true statement!

If we are not sharing what we are going through,

our struggles and our high points,

why do we experience those feelings.

Let's make PPD known,

let's not hide it

and struggle with it alone.

Let's make it something we talk about

because

IT IS REAL!

and more mom's struggle with it than you are aware of!


*some family pics we did the other day in our backyard to make you smile*

Birthday Time

It's birthday time again in the Haggett house.
April is a busy one because Pea & Ellie
both have their birthdays a week apart from each other.

As most of you probably know by now,
I have been taking a break from Facebook for the last month or so.
I go on it occasionally to put up a new profile pic or to answer a message from someone
but for the most part, that is it.
I have tried to cut myself off from reading status updates and mommy blog posts
that are constantly bombarding my news feed.
I have really been bothered by all these new blog posts
dissing the creative person and saying that mom's shouldn't be creative
with their children or enhance their children's magical lives with crafts and such.
To a creative person like myself,
I am insulted when I read these posts.
I absolutely LOVE being creative.
That is a gift God gave me and I have such a passion for it
and my children are inheriting the same passion.
I did not get a beautiful voice or a smart brain for english or physics,
I didn't get an athletic body or a career driven mind,
God gave me my creativeness.
That is me.
So when I read these blog posts about moms who look at other moms
and get upset because one mom is doing crafts and making things for their children
and the other mom isn't,
it urks me.
That is the way I connect with my children.
We sit down and explore different ideas, create things from their imagination.
We bring their minds to life with a costume.
I am not trying to be better than anyone else.
I am not trying to show off
or make other moms feel bad about themselves,
and if I have
I am TRULY SORRY!
That is NOT my intention whatsoever.
Being creative is my outlet to joy, to happiness.
It is like telling another mom to stop doing what they are passionate about
because it is making other moms upset.
I am not going to tell the athletic mom to stop teaching their child how to
shoot a basketball in the net so darn well because it makes my child
look incompetent!
If that is what they are passionate about and that is the way they connect with their child,
I say "GO FOR IT!!!".
I am not going to tell the math genius to stop teaching their child how to
add because my child is not school smart at all and doesn't
even know her numbers yet so it makes my child look dumb.
Or the mom who has a passion for gardening and spends all day in the garden
with her child, I am not going to tell her to stop spending time in the garden teaching
her child about flowers and growing vegetables
because I don't have a green thumb whatsoever and my child
doesn't even know a daisy from a rose.
We all have our own passions,
our own areas that we excel in.
Let us pass it on to our children and enjoy spending time with them
doing something that we love!
I get that people do go overboard for holidays.
but if you LOVE throwing parties and decorating and you enjoy it so much,
I say "GO FOR IT!"
Enjoy sharing your passion and let your creative side out!!!

So this year for my girls birthdays,
I decided I would make them Anna & Elsa dresses!
If you have little ones at all, you have probably been introduced
to the lovely Disney hit "Frozen"
which my girls instantly fell in love with
and you have probably heard the songs "Do you want to build a snowman" & "Let it go"
one too many times but I have to admit,
I actually really like this one!
The girls knew I was making them a dress but they had no idea it was an
Anna & Elsa dress
so it was pretty special to see their faces light up when they saw what I had made them!
I found it so relaxing and fun to make these and I was so happy about how they turned out!

Winter Is Coming

Winter is coming

so us moms need to get creative!

Especially when you live in Canada

and it gets SO COLD!

I am always looking for new ways to get some energy

out of the girls 

without having to bare the cold and spend

hours getting them dressed in their winter attire.

Today,

we took Ellie`s mattress and brought it upstairs

and put it over the 3 little steps between our living room and dining room.

I put slippery pants on them

and pillows at the bottom to brace their fall if they jumped too far

and off they went.

They played for over an hour

jumping and sliding,

laughing and giggling.

It was a great way to get some energy out

and have fun doing it!

 

 

Anyone else have fun indoor ideas for the cold long winter months?

I would LOVE to hear them!!!

A Skinny Girl's Perspective

You all know those women

that have a baby and then a month later are thinner than

you have been in your entire life.

I am one of those women.

I have been struggling with this for years now.

Ever since I had my first little girl.

I know,

you are probably saying

"what is she struggling with?"

but the fact is,

it is not all fine and dandy being thin.

When you lose the weight that fast,

not only do you get dirty looks from other mothers

but you are constantly bombarded with the oh so famous

angry comments followed by a "just kidding".

At first it didn't bother me.

I shook it off and held my head up.

But after having 3 babies

and still getting comments thrown at you

left, right & center,

it is getting a little harder to deal with.

I am not wanting pity.

I just want women out there to see the other side.

The side from a skinny girl

that can't control her weight loss.

There are many days that I just wish I could hold onto my fat

just so I could get away from the snarky comments 

that are always "jokes" but feel like knives digging into my back.

I have become self conscious about what I wear,

not wanting to wear form fitting clothes to avoid the stare down

from another mother.

The point that I really want to make with this blog

is that us mothers have to stick together!

We have to uplift each other no matter what!!!

Whether your friend loses her weight or not,

if she has a better delivery than you

or a smoother recovery.

It seems like our world is so concentrated on the negative,

the horror stories and who had it worse

that we ignore the people who have had it ok and we ignore THEIR stories.

 We all go through struggles

and we all have our praises.

I want us women to be able to rejoice in the praises

as much as you encourage in the struggles.

Words are like daggers,whether you are joking or not.

Motherhood is tough enough!

Let's not put ourselves down, or others

but rather

use your words to praise others and

lift them up!!!

 

Honestly

I have not written in a while here,

not sure if it is because I have been avoiding it

or because I just don't want to.

Our life has been a roller coaster

the last few months

and I feel like all I do is complain.

I am trying to look up but every time I do,

the sun blinds me and forces me to look down.

And here I am,

staring at the ground

wondering what the heck is going on in my life?

Wondering how I got here

and what is the next step?

I would be lying if I said this move was not hard.

In fact,

I have lied.

I know there have been many times where I have sucked up a happy face,

pretending it all has been perfect.

When in fact,

it has not.

Our house is a great house

and we are so thankful for it.

It has been everything we have looked for.

The girls have loved it.

The first few weeks were full of the girls

checking out every square inch.

Enjoying the different levels

and finding new play areas each day.

I thought Ellie had really embraced the move,

but now I am wondering if she had just tucked all her anxiety down

and now is starting to unleash her over reacting feelings.

The last few weeks as a mom,

I have felt defeated.

Lost.

I have screamed more times than I have been able to laugh.

I have cried more tears than I have been able to smile.

Parenting right now has not been a joy.

Honestly,

I can't put it any other way.

I have felt like I am at the end of my rope.

So many days, 

I have found it hard even just to get dressed.

To put on a nice outfit or wash my face.

It has been a struggle.

I love Ellie more than anything in the world

but she has stretched me beyond anything I have ever thought I could go.

She has pushed me to my breaking point.

Each day it has been a struggle

just to get through the day until the moment Luke walks through the door.

Ellie has started this awful whine.

All day long.

It doesn't stop when she is with me.

She whines about everything.

 It could be the smallest thing and she is instantly in tears.

Her reactions to anything and everything have been heightened 1000x.

 I have tried to stay calm,

try to understand.

But after dealing with this day after day,

my patience has dwindled.

I am trying to understand her,

figure out where she is coming from

but I just don't know anymore.

Her highs are HIGH

and her lows are LOW

and lately she has been living in the lows all the time.

On top of all of this, 

we have yet again caught another flu bug.

What is going on?

How on earth can we have another bug?

More puking,

More laundry.

This has been our life lately.

I'm sorry,

this is depressing

but I need to get it out.

I can't just pretend.

Our house HAS been depressing lately.

We are working on trying to figure out the best way to raise our Ellie.

She is not an easy child

and I know we got spoiled having Pea first.

Ellie has got so much life in her,

we are just having a hard time being able to bring that out

rather than the sad, I'm mad about everything, continuous crying  Ellie 

that she has been the last few weeks.

I have been finding myself wishing I could go to work

and just send my girls off to daycare to let someone else raise them.

I don't want to think this way!

I want to enjoy being home with them.

Enjoy laughing and playing with them.

Hopefully soon we can get out of this funk.

I am getting tired.

Drained.

Life has been exhausting lately.

This is me, just being honest.